Stronger Chapter Four

Stronger

By: Provocative Envy

OOO

Author’s Note: Apparently I’m a great deal better at describing illness than I thought. No, she isn’t dying of some obscure disease; ostensibly, he was firing a curse that would render Harry unconscious and weak and that kind of thing. But really, that isn’t the point. I may have done a shoddy job of it, but there was a deeper meaning to that chapter; then again, it’s entirely possible that meaning won’t become clear until other things happen.

OOO

CHAPTER FOUR

Granger was released from the care of Madame Pomfrey a mere week after her initial confinement. By that point, Halloween had passed and the first strains of winter were blistering their way through thick wool sweaters: I ached for the crispy white flakes to fall from the sky and announce the coming of the holidays.

Christmas was a beautiful burst of light in the darkness of the school year monotony. No one, not even my father, not even Pansy, could have ever begun to imagine what it meant to me. I couldn’t wait for the searing burn of the curse, for the incredible sense of power that would saturate every last inch of my body; my dreams, for so long filled with images of Pansy, were suddenly pervaded with the precious few glimpses I’d gotten of my father’s Mark.

Yet a constant, niggling fear was always lurking in the shadows of my secret Heaven: I was worried that the flaws I’d been burdened with would prove to be more than just an inconvenience.

I was worried that they would be my downfall.

I was more than just aware of the Dark Lord’s demands for precision. He heaped rewards upon those whose loyalty and aptitude for killing were outstanding; he had no qualms about murdering those who lacked the finesse necessary to execute his plans.

I was terrified that one tiny slip would cost me my life; terrified that I would betray everyone in a thoughtless moment of indecision.

I was afraid of myself because Potter and all his noble exploits had taught me something: ignorance is just as dangerous as ingenuity. Knowledge isn’t a weapon so much as a liability; the weak are here to justify the strong. It would be easier to take my orders and forget myself.

To forget everything and everyone.

To act as if I was inhuman and unfeeling and all that I’d tried so hard to be for so long.

To simply exist.

OOO

I stumbled upon her in the library. She was slumped in a chair, looking worn and tired, her eyes feverishly scanning a page of her Arithmancy book.

“So, Mudblood, did your bodyguards give my regards to Pomfrey like I asked them to?” I leaned up against her table, watching with some interest as she snapped the volume shut and scraped her chair back.

“No, but they did outline several extremely plausible plans to kill you,” she replied coldly, snatching up her bag and stuffing some parchment in.

“How very original,” I yawned.

She didn’t respond, didn’t so much as glare at me. She seemed as bored with the exchange as I was pretending to be.

“You know, I read something rather fascinating in the Prophet yesterday,” I commented.

“While I’m touched you’re under the misapprehension that we’re just the best of friends, I would like nothing more than to hex you into the next century. So try something new and shut up,” she said acidly, slinging a bag heavy with books over her shoulder and pushing past me.

“Oh, but I wasn’t finished. You see, there was an article about Viktor Krum and his new girlfriend in there,” he called out to her, grinning in triumph as she stopped walking and her back tensed.

“As little as I’ve ever understood you, this makes the least sense. What does that have to do with me?” she ground out, still not facing me.

“Don’t pretend you’re as dense as Weasley.”

“Oh, please. You want me to say how utterly heartbroken I am, right? You want me to break down and cry, lamenting about lost love and how very much it hurts. You want to see me crumple to the floor again, because once just wasn’t enough, was it?” she murmured, voice trembling. She’d finally spun around to spear me with a contemptuous gaze.

“Once will never be enough,” I told her, snorting at her melodramatic outburst.

“And to think I was stupid enough to think you were just jealous of Harry,” she mused. “I had no idea I was included in that category. How…nice.”

“Oh, yes. I’ve always been curious as to what being a mudblood is like, and since you were lucky enough to be born one, I’m nothing short of envious,” I explained lightly.

“You’re also undoubtedly curious about what having a fully functional brain is like,” she shot back.

“Yes, Potter and I share that trait, unfortunately,” I said with mock sadness.

“Lucky for him your similarities end there.”

Before I could finish blinking, she was gone.

OOO

Since our nighttime rendezvous had stopped due to the steadily dropping temperature, Pansy and I had little time to cultivate a real relationship. Our indifferent embraces and unaffectionate conversations didn’t make us appear to be a couple in love: but we were. Oh, we were.

In the last week of the month, she shook me awake in the middle of the night.

“Draco,” she whispered, her lips brushing against me ear as she spoke.

I groaned into my pillow, refusing to budge.

“It’s snowing outside,” she said excitedly.

I was immediately awake, slamming my forehead against hers as we tumbled off my bed and landed in an unceremonious heap on the floor.

We smothered our laughter as we slithered through the dark, drafty castle. Sure enough, a pure white wonderland awaited us outside.

There was a delicate, soft glow to the air as waifs of icy moisture tumbled down in a chaotic mess. There were still patches of frozen grass peeking through the blanket of snow, but they were quickly covered: it was magical, standing there and watching time pass me by, each and every minute winding down to indescribable irrelevance.

“It’s beautiful,” I finally mumbled, stunned.

Pansy reached out to enfold me in a hug, her face pressed into my neck.

But all I saw, all I could think about, was what the true coming of winter meant.

And as I shut my eyes to the harsh intensity of the freezing wind, I saw the image that in less than a month would be forever branded across my forearm.

OOO