Disclaimer: I now am the proud owner of the I Taunt the Pant Devil avi on Neopets, but I still do not have Harry Potter. I’m hoping that I get rights to HP and my ferret for Christmas…but for some reason I can’t see Rowling being that nice, can you?
Parenting Class
Dating My Five Year Old Boyfriend
A quick AN: I’d like to thank you all so much for your support. And you’re right. I’m just going to ignore all the flames and such…with all of the wonderful comments I get, the flames are canceled, just like negative numbers with positives. The positive cancels the negative…hehe; my math is coming into play.
Now onto the fic!
“We’re having Ginny watch him?” exclaimed Draco, eyes widening in alarm.
“What’s wrong with that?” asked Hermione, lying down more comfortably on the hospital bed and drawing the blanket up to her chin.
Draco rolled his eyes. “They’re dating,” he hissed, voice thankfully to soft for Harry to here, who was across the room and looking with interest at all the different colored potions lining the shelves.
“So?”
“Don’t you think this could…I dunno…do something to their relationship? Not that I really care,” he added hastily.
“Sure you don’t,” Hermione laughed. “But if anything, it should make them become closer. Besides, I trust Ginny with my life. She’ll take good care of Harry.”
“She wouldn’t have to watch him if you hadn’t hit me,” Draco muttered.
“I did not hit you that hard! It was your own fault you were leaning over me.”
“I was concerned,” Draco defended. “You didn’t have to react like that.”
“Harry dumped water on me! Don’t try telling me you wouldn’t wake up like that.”
“I wouldn’t. Because I never act like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like an idiot. I wouldn’t dream of seeing myself so un-put together.”
“I was surprised! You can’t expect me to just lie there calmly when freezing cold water was dumped on me!”
“Yes I can.”
“How is that even possible? It’s a natural instinct to react when surprised. And when I’m sleeping and woken up by water, that would be a surprise.”
“You still didn’t have to push me. You broke my leg!”
“I did not break your leg! You decided to fall down the steps!”
“I did not ‘decide’ to fall down! I had no choice!”
“You did too! You could have climbed out of the chair.”
“And risk breaking my neck?”
“You would not have broken your neck!”
“Would too! I was going really fast!”
“Oh, like three miles an hour?”
“That’s fast!”
“Eighty is fast. Even fifty could be considered fast. But not three!”
“I consider it fast! And I was going backwards! That makes it worse!”
“Then it’s a good think you’ve never been on a roller coaster. You’d probably have a heart attack.”
“What’s a roller coaster?”
“A really fast moving, muggle amusement park ride. And you changed the subject!”
“Did not! You mentioned roller coasters!”
“Because I was having a thought! You’re the one who had to ask about them!”
“I wanted to know what it was!”
“I told you!”
By now, both teenagers were sitting up and glaring daggers at each other, blankets fisted in hands and cheeks red with anger, or in Hermione’s case, anger and her fever.
“What are you two arguing about?” asked Ginny, entering the Hospital Wing. “And what are you doing here anyway?”
“She,” Draco growled, pointing at Hermione, “got a fever for stupidly running outside without a cloak a few days ago. And then, she pushed me down the stairs and I now have a broken leg!”
“I did not run out stupidly! Someone had to save those poor puffskeins! And I did not break your leg! You did!”
“It’s my fault you pushed me down the steps?”
“Yes! If you hadn’t been so close then I wouldn’t have hit you!”
“Ah hem,” interrupted Ginny. “So again, why am I here?”
“Oh, yes,” Hermione smiled, anger disappearing. “He,” she said, pointing at the fuming Slytherin, “and I are not allowed out of here for a few hours and we need someone to watch Harry. Professor Dumbledore said it would be all right if you wanted to.”
“Want to? I’d love to!” Ginny exclaimed, blue eyes twinkling with excitement. “Where is he?”
“Right there,” said Hermione pointing at the shelves.
Ginny walked over and stopped a few inches from Harry, who was busy with a rag he’d found and was dusting each bottle before putting it gently back on the shelf. “What are you doing?” she asked incuriously. “You don’t need to dust those. That’s Madam Pomfrey’s job.”
“But they’re dirty…and Aunt Petunia always makes me clean things that are dusty and dirty.”
“You don’t have to do that here.”
“Yes I do,” Harry insisted.
“Think of this as having a break. No cleaning, except maybe making your bed and cleaning your room for two weeks! Sound fun?”
“I guess so…”
“Good. I’m Ginny by the way,” the redhead smiled, holding out her hand.
“I’m Harry,” the child said, hesitantly taking Ginny’s hand and giving it a small shake.
“It’s nice to meet you, Harry. I’m going to be watching you for a few hours while these two rest here, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Would you like to go meet Hagrid and Fang? I’m sure they’d love to get to know you.”
“What’s a fang?”
“It’s Hagrid’s dog. He’s very gentle, though he does love to lick people. Come on, let’s go get you your coat; it’s chilly out there.”
“Be good for Ginny,” Hermione said. “And have fun, kay?”
Harry nodded and waved goodbye as Ginny took his hand and led him out of the room.
First, they stopped off at Harry’s room (Ginny fortunately remembered the password to get in) and took the child’s coat from his trunk (shrunk to fit him). Ginny picked up Harry’s glasses from where they’d fallen on the floor and set them on the table.
Making sure she had her camera in her pocket, both left the cozy room to brave the outside. Though it was only September, a chilly wind already blew across the grounds, and most of the trees (save the Forbidden Forest) had already lost their leaves.
Ginny securely fastened Harry’s hood on his jacket, and wrapped her own cloak more tightly about herself. “See that little cabin over there?” she asked, pointing with a gloved hand towards Hagrid’s hut. “That’s where we’re going.”
The two began their trek across the chilly yard, Harry scampering playfully over large boulders that littered their path and walking on the edge of the fountain. Minutes later, two well-frozen people stood outside the little wooden door, already chilled to the bone from the icy winds.
Thumping her head against the door (Ginny was too cold to take her hands out from beneath her cloak) both waited merely seconds before they heard the giant’s familiar voice from inside, telling them to ‘wait jus a moment.’
A/N- I’m going to attempt to do Hagrid again…wish me luck!
The door swung open and Harry and Ginny tumbled in, a wash of heat overwhelming both of them from Hagrid’s fireplace. “Who is this lil guy?” asked Hagrid, bending down to get a better look at Harry.
The child’s eyes lit up in recognition. “Uncle Haggy!” he cried, wrapping his arms around the scraggly beard. “Both you and Grandpa are here!”
Awkwardly, Hagrid hugged Harry back, careful not to squish him. The half giant looked at Ginny for an explanation, who only shrugged in response. Fang, not wanting to be left out of the hugging, bounded in and tackled Harry, immediately setting his tongue to leaving slobber all over the boy’s face.
“Down Fang! Bad dog!” shouted Hagrid, grabbing the boarhound by his collar and yanking backwards. “Don’ go attacking the guests!” Turning to Harry, he said, “I’m sorry ‘Arry. Didn’t know ‘e would act up like that.”
“It’s all right,” Harry said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Clear, gooey drool coated the child entirely, dripping onto the floor around him.
“Told you he liked to lick,” smiled Ginny. “Why don’t you take off your coat, Harry? Then you can go wash your face up in the basin on the table. Harry nodded his agreement and slithered out of his now slobbered jacket and made his way over to the bowl to get tidied up.
“What are yeh doing down here in this weather? Isn’t it a mite cold for ‘Arry? And where’s ‘Mione and Draco?”
“Hermione has a fever and Draco’s out with a broken leg and some other bumps and bruises. He fell down the stairs,” she smirked, noticing the puzzled expression on Hagrid’s face. “From what I’m getting, Hermione had something to do with it, but they both keep blaming each other. Do you know what happened, Harry?” she queried, as the boy made his way over to the fire where Ginny and Hagrid were sitting.
“Hermione was on fire…I think. And I dumped water on her. She woke up and hit Draco…and he fell into a chair and went down the stairs.”
“It’s both of their faults,” Ginny declared. “Although both of them will never say that…both much too stubborn.”
“Would either of yeh like a cup of tea? Or hot chocolate?” Hagrid offered, rising from the floor with a groan.
“We’ll both have hot chocolate, if you wouldn’t mind making it,” smiled Ginny. “Doesn’t that sound good, Harry? Harry?” Glancing wildly around, Ginny noticed her charge had disappeared.
“Guess I’m not making it anymore,” Hagrid chuckled, pointing at his table. Harry was kneeling on one of the chairs, arranging chocolate powder he’d miraculously found in the cabin into two mugs, and putting a teabag in a third for Hagrid. Jumping off the chair, the child filled a kettle full of water and placed it on the stove, which was burning merrily away in the corner.
As soon as the water began to boil, Harry picked it off the stove and pouted some into each mug, never spilling a drop. Taking a large spoon, he mixed the hot chocolate powder together and added a marshmallow to the top. Carefully balancing the tea in one hand one mug of hot chocolate, he delivered them without a word and then went back and grabbed his own mug.
“That was very nice of you Harry,” Ginny said, taking a sip. “Yummy too! When I was your age getting dressed was a chore for me…and you can already make hot chocolate!”
“I can cook too.”
Ginny raised an eyebrow. “You’re really something, Harry.”
The boy simply smiled and stared into the fire, his head resting lightly on Ginny’s shoulder and her arm around him. In the background, Hagrid played softly on his flute, the soothing noise lulling the child into sleep in no time at all.
“I’m bored,” Draco moaned, flipping over on his side so he was facing Hermione.
“And I’m not? Now be quiet before she comes back again.” She was Madam Pomfrey. After listening to the two continue to argue about whose fault it was even after Ginny and Harry left, she’d placed a silencing charm on both of them. A few minutes before, she’d taken it off, with the warning to lie still and silent or she’d silence them and bind them to the bed.
“But I’m bored,” Draco whined, slamming his head against his pillow. “There’s gotta be something to do!”
“Try shutting up.”
“That was mean.”
“Good.”
“You’re being mean.”
“Your point?”
“Gryffindors are supposed to be nice.”
“When was that ever said?”
“It’s assumed. Slytherins, like me, are supposed to be cunning, those Hufflepuffs are cowards, and the Ravenclaws are too smart for their own good. Gryffindors are supposed to be brave, a rather bad trait I think, and friendly.”
“Well, I don’t feel like being friendly right now.”
“Why?”
“Because, I don’t feel good and I’m cooped up in here with you?”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hear that Sparkles?” Draco asked his dragon, holding it in his hands. “Hermione doesn’t want to be nice.”
“You just talked to a stuffed animal.”
“Your point?”
“It looks very stupid. And you aren’t ever to look stupid.”
“I don’t look stupid!”
“You do when you talk to a stuffed animal.”
“Most girls think it’s cute.”
“They thought it was cute when you were little. Like, five.”
“Didn’t I say I didn’t want to hear another peep from this room?” Madam Pomfrey walked in from her office, a scowl on her face.
“He started it,” said Hermione, pointing a finger at Draco.
“Me?” he repeated. “I did no such thing!”
“You did too! You were whining you were bored, remember?”
“Can’t say I do.”
“Well, you d-” Hermione was still mouthing words when she realized she’d been put under the silencing charm. Throwing her best death glare at Draco, she turned away and flopped down on her bed, Draco doing the same.
“Now, both of you are to remain quiet and rest! Miss Granger, that fever isn’t going to improve with you yelling. And Mr. Malfoy, you came close to suffering a head injury and I do not want you moving around too much. You will both be free to go in about two hours, but until then stay quiet!”
As soon as the nurse left, Hermione sat up and pulled out a piece of parchment from her bag. In bold, caps locks letters, she wrote, I HATE YOU and showed it to Draco, a frown on her face.
Draco also pulled out parchment and scribbled a message down in Hermione’s same style. I HATE YOU MORE!
REALLY? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GOT US IN THIS MESS!
HOW DID I GET US IN THIS? YOU PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS! AND RAN AFTER THOSE BLOODY PUFFBALLS WITHOUT A CLOAK!
Hermione put the quill to her lips for a few seconds and then scribbled down her next message. I WAS DOING A GOOD DEED SAVING THOSE POOR PUFFSKEINS. IF I HADN’T, THEY WOULD HAVE FLOATED INTO THE FORBIDDEN FOREST AND YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO THEM THERE!
SO? LET THE HELPLESS LITTLE THINGS DIE. IT’S HAGRID’S FAULT HE COULDN’T WATCH THEM BETTER.
NONE OF US WERE EXPECTING THE WIND TO BLOW THAT HARD! THE CRATES THEY WERE IN WOULD HAVE KEPT THEM SAFE IF IT WASN’T FOR THE STORM COMING!
STILL, YOU SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST PUT ON A CLOAK BEFORE RUNNING OUT.
YOU’RE LECTURING ME LIKE MY MOTHER! STOP IT!
AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DON’T?
Hermione glared at the Slytherin, before casually picking up her parchment to write an answer. Draco waited patiently on his bed. Without warning, Hermione lunged and tackled the unwary boy off of his bed. Both went down kicking and screaming silently.
Draco grabbed Hermione’s hair and yanked it, attempting to get her off of him. The girl, took no notice, and continued to scratch at whatever available skin she could reach, which mostly just happened to be his face. Deciding he needed help, Draco kicked at the nightstand, watching satisfied as the glass pitcher fell off and shattered on the floor.
“What is going on out here?” barked Pomfrey from her office. Exiting, her hand went to her mouth. “ENOUGH! MISS GRANGER, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!”
Seconds later, both were in their own beds, now incased in a full body bind and unable to move any part of their body, save their eyes. “I have had it up to here with the both of you,” the mediwitch fumed, raising her hand way over her head. “You will both stay like that until Miss Weasley and Mr. Potter come back and you’re allowed to be released.”
Two pairs of eyes glared at the witch, and then at each other, both ticked off beyond imagine.
‘Look what that bloody Gryffindor did to my face,’ Draco moaned internally. ‘I look like I was fighting with a cat! I can’t show my face in public!’
‘As soon as I’m out of this body bind, he is so going to get it,’ fumed Hermione. ‘I lost some of my hair! I know Madam Pomfrey is making it grow back right now, but it still doesn’t change the fact he pulled it! No one should ever pull a girl’s hair. But I’ll get sweet revenge when I’m little. Oh yes…he will pay.’
‘And what will everyone say when they find out a girl did this to me? Mind them, I was surprised, but Slytherins are supposed to fight like that. Gryffindors should have to state the challenge or at least give a warning before they go tackling innocents.’
About two hours later, both Draco and Hermione having thought up every torture idea to place on each other imaginable, Ginny walked in, a sleeping Harry in her arms. “We’re back Madam Pomfrey,” she called, setting the child on a bed next to Draco. “What’s wrong with you two?” she asked, looking at the unmoving and silent Draco and Hermione, both of who were watching her.
“Thank goodness!” Pomfrey exclaimed. Flicking her wand, she released both teens from her spell, and both sat up, rubbing stiff limbs and stretching. “These two have been most uncooperative. They’ve been in the body bind for the last few hours and placed under the silencing charm.”
“You guys sound like you’re more trouble then the kids,” smirked Ginny. “Harry was a little angel.”
“I’ll bet,” Draco grumbled, grabbing a mirror from the nightstand and examining his face, eyes growing large as he saw the crisscrossed redlines marking him from forehead to chin. “Look at what you did to me!” he cried in alarm, gingerly touching each mark. “I look terrible!”
“Thankfully, my hair has grown back. No thanks to you,” Hermione snapped, fingering the back of her head.
“What on earth have you been up too?” questioned Ginny, staring in shock from one angry face to the next.
“She started it,” declared Draco at the same time Hermione said ‘He started it’.
“You’re both going to have to get along if you’re going to take care of Harry,” Ginny reminded them. “He doesn’t need to see you two argue all the time.”
“Speaking of Harry,” said the brunette, “did he enjoy visiting Hagrid?”
“Oh yes, he loved meeting Uncle Haggy,” Ginny grinned. “And Fang…sort of. That dog had him sitting in a puddle of drool.” On the next bed over, Draco shuddered and wrapped his robe tighter around him to ward off any slobber he felt might be coming. “Although he did the strangest things,” the girl remarked, a thoughtful look on her face.
“You mean he misbehaved?”
“Oh no! He was almost…too nice. Hagrid offered hot chocolate, and Harry made it. And when I came to collect him from here, he was cleaning the potions bottles. He said his aunt made him clean…and he told me he could cook. Is that normal?”
“He is very intelligent,” mused Hermione. “At his age, I could cook a little, with my mom’s help of course. But most children don’t like to clean…you didn’t seem to mind tidying up your room Draco, but I know when I was younger I’d throw tantrums when my parents told me to pick something up.”
Draco gulped nervously. “Then I hate to see what you’re going to be like when I tell you to clean.”
“I suggest you don’t. That is, if you don’t want to get hurt.”
“It’s time for all of you to get going,” ushered Pomfrey, wanting to have the peace and quiet back in her office. “Hurry along now.” Draco jumped out of his bed, only too glad to be going. Hermione followed, picking Harry up carefully in her arms.
“I’ve gotta get back to the common room,” Ginny said. “I have a ton of homework due tomorrow!”
“All right, bye Ginny! Thanks for watching Harry!”
“No problem. See ya guys later!” With a wave, the redhead took off down the opposite corridor, robes flying out behind her.
The ‘parents’ arrived back at their portrait, a stony silence between them the entire time. Leviculus seemed to know something was up, and he wisely didn’t try to humor them; just opened the portrait when Hermione said the password. The girl tucked Harry into his bed and then retired to her own room, the door slamming behind her with a thud.
Draco stared sullenly at the closed entrance, before going into his own room and flopping down on his bed, Sparkles safely in hand. Rolling over, the Slytherin picked up a textbook on Charms and began to read through it, jotting down notes every few seconds.
In her room, Hermione was punching her pillow, needing to just be able to move after all those hours of lying still. Normally, she wouldn’t have minded as long as she’d had a book, but Pomfrey had said reading might strain her eyes and had forbidden it.
In the room to the left of Draco’s, little Harry was beginning to wake up. Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes tiredly before glancing around. Eyes widening in panic, the boy literally flipped from the bed and landed in a heap on the floor. Shaking his head to clear the dots away, Harry began to carefully remake his bed, tucking the covers in at the corners and even fluffing the pillows.
After he was done with that, the tiny Gryffindor began to straighten up the books on the shelves and shake out the rugs. Venturing from his room, he made his way into the bathroom and began to clean off the counters with a wet rag and soap and then wash down the mirrors.
Moving from the bathroom, he tidied up the common room, straightening pillows on the couch and running over the woodwork of the room with a dust cloth. By the time Hermione emerged from her room after her very enlightening pounding the pillow session, the room was close to sparkling.
Draco exited at about the same time. “The house elves sure are getting better,” he remarked. “Listen, Hermione,” he said, turning to look at the Gryffindor. “About earlier-”
“No, let me talk first. I’m sorry, Draco. It was my fault; I really should have grabbed my coat.”
“Oh good,” the Slytherin smirked. “That’s what I was thinking.”
“You mean you weren’t going to apologize?”
“Why would I? You said it was all your fault.”
“You-” Hermione lunged, teeth bared.
“Shouldn’t we be heading down for dinner?” asked Draco pleasantly, catching Hermione around her wrists and holding them away from his face. Doing his Charms work, he’d found a spell for concealing minor injuries, and had immediately applied it to his scratch covered face.
“You’re right,” Hermione agreed, still attempting to claw the grinning face. “After I maim you.”
“That wouldn’t be very nice…remember what Ginny said? We have to get along.”
“I remember…fine, but only because of Harry,” Hermione sniffed, dropping her hands and Draco released them. “I’ll go see if he’s still asleep.”
When she peeked into the bedroom, Harry was sitting on the floor, his knees drawn up to his chin. “Harry? Are you all right?”
“Yes…I’m fine,” the child smiled.
“Are you hungry? It’s dinner time…and you could definitely use some meat on your bones…you’re so skinny!”
“A little hungry,” Harry admitted.
“Then let’s head down to the Great Hall. Come on.” She held out her hand and Harry took it, pulling himself to his feet and then walking out of the room. “We’re leaving Draco, come.”
“What am I? A dog?” Draco grumbled, falling into step beside Hermione.
“No,” she smirked. “You’re a ferret.”
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